Why does everything happen so quickly

Oh hello!

I wrote 3 blogposts since August and have I published one of them? No I have not. My lack of consistency in regards to blogposts infuriates me.

It's February already. February. I'm getting very anxious about the amount of time that is rushing by, I'm in my second semester of 2nd year already, and I've already sent off all my applications for my year abroad next year. I still don't really know what I'm doing or where I'm going with everything, but I'm kind of in a little bubble at the moment. I guess everyone feels the same way (maybe all the time) but it's affecting me more and more as I get closer and closer to going 'abroad' for a year. I hate the word abroad, it's such a British word in my opinion. I already feel like I'm abroad.

I finally quit that job of mine. I'm relieved to say the least. It's not that it was a bad job, it's the fact that I had absolutely no time to do anything else I wanted. I haven't drawn in about 2 months, and I've been reading the same book since before the Christmas holidays. I know it might sound a little trivial, but it feels like I'm losing myself slightly. My university course doesn't thrill me at the moment, and I was constantly worried about all the work I had to do when I got home - only to collapse on the nearest surface and try and sleep the constant tiredness I really couldn't shake off. To top it all off I was quite sick and everything snowballed and I was a ball of stress. I need to calm down more, I get too anxious and wound up about the smallest things.

This wasn't meant to be such a depressing post. I don't really know what happened there. I just don't have much to say at the moment really. I;m doing uni, I'm keeping afloat and trying to learn German while keeping up my French (despite the fact that I only have 2 contact hours of French per week).

Quite a bit has happened since August though! I went to Berlin for my birthday, and Copenhagen for Christmas. It seems like quite a while ago thinking about it now, I think it's because I haven't written for too long.

Nothing will ever top travelling. It makes me feel so free and liberated. I always have that feeling of getting on a plane and always having the possibility of not taking a return flight back, of just leaving everything and exploring new possibilities. I used to feel like that last year, Glasgow is taking its toll on me and I will take every chance I can get to leave the city for a while. Claustrophobic is a slight understatement. You know when you just don't feel like yourself?

Christmas was absolutely wonderful though, that made me feel a lot better about many things. Christmas with my family is fantastic, but it was so interesting to be somewhere else for a change. It felt rather strange without them to tell the truth, but I had a blast. I cannot speak a word of Danish so the language barrier did make me feel awkward and a bit of a nuisance at times, but being welcomed into someone else's Christmas festivities was both amazing and terrifying.

I've fallen more in love with Denmark than I have before. I really cannot understand why I love it so much, there's just something about it that I identify and find comfort in. The countryside makes me feel so calm and fresh. I'm a little infatuated with the culture, the food and the people. Safe to say I'm going to live there one day, I know it. When you know you know. Learning danish on the other hand...that will take me several years at the very very least...

I don't really have many pictures, this is just a blogpost to help me start writing again. I need to get my creativity out of the dusty cupboard it's bee hiding in. Not being creative makes me very sad.

That time in Edinburgh when we had champagne on a mini mountain

Squad. 

Cake o'clock with my Edinburgh babe I really couldn't live without and wish I could see more often. 

Cinnamon rolls from the old food blog

À + tard

Before it changes again

Reporting from the sunny (sunny sunny) Algarve. I'm currently sitting outside in the Portuguese sunshine with a cup of coffee and the 1975 in my ears. Bliss.

So it's been a while since I've written my last blog post. I do that too often. I think I forget sometimes as I have a physical diary and tend to write everything down there and forget about my little blog. Let's launch into this post with gusto and enthusiasm.

I'm trying to think of anything in particular that's happened over the past few months, but if I'm being ridiculously honest then nothing monumental has - I've just really been enjoying myself and drinking lots of wine, After moving into my new flat I went home for a while. I keep having major homesickness waves - which makes Glasgow living a little less, hm, not manageable but, likeable? I miss European culture. I don't think I'll ever identify with Glasgow. I definitely think university will help, as I am now 100% a full-on language student! Psychology has promptly been crumpled up into a ball and will not resurface. Next year's going to be tough and challenging, but oh am I ready for it. As soon as I'm immersed in languages and uni life everything will be better.

This post is going to have no consistency whatsoever by the way. This is just me saying random things that pop into my head and I somehow manage to throw on a page.

I got a job! Finally. I'm actually really excited about it - finally earning my own money again. That means I can buy a lot of flowers and save a lot to go travelling. I know in a couple of weeks I'll probably want to kill all member of the public but hey! I think I get free coffee so I will never complain.

You know those songs. Those songs that remind you of a very very specific feeling or time in your life? I've been listening to a lot of songs that helped me through some really awful things and they still make me sad. I think some people underestimate the sheer power of music - it can literally change your life.

I'm having that really bad feeling that I talk about the same things in all of my blogposts. Sorry for all the I LOVE BELGIUM rants. I should just accept my fate and cover my background with a belgian flag. On that note actually, I have a dilemma that I don't quite know what to with. Because I am an idiot I still haven't got a driving license. Now the problem is I really don't want to learn in Glasgow. Besides the fact that it's on the wrong side of the road, there's another reason I really want to take it at home. If my parents leave then I will have literally no connection with it anymore. My ID card will run out and I won't be able to get another one. If I do it at home I'll have a Belgian license.I know that sounds really ridiculous but it makes sense in my brain. Then again my brain is a mess.

I wanted to write a blogpost before second year started or even before I went back to Glasgow after my little holiday in the sun. Things change too quickly. so this is me right now. Things could change next week - who knows. I just want to give myself a little reminder before life starts again.

Okay this has been such a rambly-withoutapoint post. Have a picture or two to break up the nonsense.

Mariana and I being loons and enjoying ourselves.

Anyhow! The point of the post was basically that right now I'm happy. I'm happy right now.

Beaucoup d'amour.

Danish discoveries

Resurfacing from the depths of murky waters. 

It's summer - apparently, the Glaswegian weather is atrocious and I am currently wearing woolly socks - which means that I have no more university work until September. Ahh blogging galore. 

A ridiculous amount has happened since my last blog post - exams completely took over my life. 

Firstly, I went to Copenhagen. Let's just say it was one of the best holidays I have ever had. The food was fantastic, the company was superb and the weather was gorgeous. I have since decided that I have to live in Copenhagen at some point on my life - it just feels so right there, I don't know how to explain it. Of course, living in a city is completely different from visiting it, but you know when you get that feeling. I got that feeling. If only I spoke danish. That's the next challenge. Danish pronunciation is one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. Literally it's like trying to cough up something from the back of your throat. I genuinely adore the sound of it though, it's probably one of my favourite languages. 

 This is Christiansborg. A place of beauty and the most spectacular light. It was one of the places I wanted to visit badly, after having seen 'A Royal Affair' and falling in love with the palace. Safe to say I was not disappointed and never wanted to leave.

 Basking in the sun like the turtle that I am. Honestly that room was breathtaking. I really love royal palaces, I'm not quite sure why. Of course there's a small part of me that envisions the past whereupon poor workers died of malnutrition and forced labour while the royalty ate their salmon sandwiches, but you can't change history. Palaces are works of art in themselves.

I have to make an entire paragraph in reference to danish food. Danish food where have you been all my life and why have I just discovered you. To say that my tastebuds went into overdrive and I nearly fainted in appreciation doesn't even do it justice. I will never forget being served warm bread in a cloth pocket. Glasgow get on this level immediately. 

This is from a famous restaurant called 'Øl & Brød'. I didn't know this, but it's customary to be served schnapps with your afternoon meal. Bear in mind that I am 160cm and not very largely built. To say that I was slightly schnozzled by the end of the meal would be...true? I'm never going to be able to hold drink like the danes. I would only embarrass myself. However Belgian beer trumps Danish beer. I think that's the only thing we have up on them. 

I finally moved out of student apartments into my new flat. I can honestly say I am so much happier already. Yes, the wind is battering my window frames and I am so cold that I have to chain-drink tea, but I could not be happier. I think that once you have your own space, everything seems a lot more manageable. I am now free to deck my walls with multicoloured paintings and have ten plants in each room. I really really like plants. And elephants. I have acquired an elephant mug that has been christened Khaleesi. (Naming mugs might sound like the onset of insanity but it just looked like a Khaleesi) 

One of the first dinners in my new flat - nothing beats salmon and cider

 My mum managed to squeeze in a couple of days in April under the sun for us, which meant 34 degree sunshine and a lot of wine. Complete and utter bliss. Holidays together are the best, as all we do is eat, read, drink wine and behave like children. We had a poke war in the middle of the street. Spain was coffee and sunshine abundant, just what I needed inbetween horrendous exams that made me want to throw things at the wall and eat the entire contents of my kitchen. Bear in mind that all I had during exams was a lot of couscous and a dozen sweet potatoes. Student life in its prime. 

View from a rather grecian (yet Spanish) waterfront

 I think I'm a little obsessed with all things Scandinavian...oops? Swedish finds:

Swedish café times with Nicola, the beautiful queen of sass

IKEA-ing 

Alicante vividity

Hotel snooping 

 If you live in Glasgow I would recommend BRGR. Best burgers in the west end in my humble opinion. Only downside is that you don't get served chips with them, you have to buy them separately. It's all worth it for the burger though. And the chips are superior to others I've found.

Bringing a scandi element into my home decorating

Finally had to add in this picture. It's the view from my boyfriend's new apartment. Despite being a little noisy next to the motorway, it's rather picturesque when the sun goes down (hey Alex Turner you creeped up on me there). I'm so happy we're all out of halls. Having your own apartment really makes all the difference. 

I'm away for now, I might make some granola for tomorrow morning. I also just bought Deliciously Ella's cookbook and I'm itching to try some of her recipes out. Buckwheat flour and date syrup here I come. Date syrup is the new craze. I can sense it. 

I'm also reading Alexandre Dumas' 'The Man in the Iron Mask' at the moment. Praise the beauty that is Alexandre Dumas. I am reading it in English, as I think archaic French would make my head explode. Ah soon. 

À plus tard. 

La Jeunesse

Salut mes bébés.

I did it again, I left writing for 3 months. Why do I keep doing that?

I've started three different posts since christmas and left them all as drafts - I'm not quite sure why. Anyhow, I have gained some sort of clarity in what i'm doing. Some being the operative word.

Hello and Welcome to another episode of why Bronagh hasn't got a ruddy clue! Come in, grab a cupcake and a mug of lemonade. I need to make cupcakes actually, baking has taken a little backseat this semester due to lack of energy and horrendous deadlines.

Pancakes have taken over my life. Literally. It's quite sad.

How good do these look though? I call them hybrid banana oat pancakes. 

Lara in beautiful Bruxelles

My first year at university is drawing to a close, which terrifies me just a tad. It was christmas yesterday. Amidst hunting for flats and making plans for next year, I've realised that I've made a little haven here. As much as I adore Brussels and I will always consider it to be my home, it's quite reassuring to know that I've made a place for myself here. I don't consider it 'home' and I don't really identify with Britain at all, but I've made a circle of friends and people I love all on my own. Isn't it quite something when you realise that you create your own life outside of everyone you're far away from, and they slowly become part of your daily routine? Getting off a plane and knowing there are people waiting for you whom you missed is quite a feeling.

As much as I now actually like Glasgow, I'm still wavering over my subject choice. I literally annoy myself so much as I cannot get a grip. Anyhow I have an interview at Glasgow School of Art on Tuesday which I am absolutely petrified for, but also ridiculously excited. Art School? Who knows. Knowing me who will ever know, I'm all over the shop.

My fabulous friend Lara came to visit me the other week, which was so lovely and it was so good to have her here. It felt so strange having someone from home come and join what my life is like now, as they're two completely separate worlds. It was so strange as she's part of my Brussels life, so it was really bizarre mixing the two and seeing her integrate into my new routines and habits. It got my thinking about how much has changed in a year. I know everyone says that, but it scares me how much that statement resonates. You know when you look back at who you were a year ago and realise you're no longer that person? That's kind of the feeling I have. I haven't changed drastically and my character hasn't changed, things happened and I adapted. Moving country and away from home definitely accelerated that, but it's a good sort of change. I feel far more capable than I did when I was seventeen.

Another shot of Lara

This has been quite a lengthy post! I'm going to throw in a few pictures to break it up a tad. They were taken over the course of 3 months so they're a little mismatched.

Brunch time with my Uncle at Kember and Jones - my favourite café, it feels like home

With my two best baes in St Andrews

Missing home and my brother

Still constantly taking pictures of food, i literally try and make everything into a little art creation and I have absolutely no idea why. Granted this particular stack of pancakes doesn't meet all aesthetic requirements but me oh my were they scrumptious. This obsession with pancakes is crippling. Damn it. And couscous, the world is not the same without couscous. I keep pronouncing it in a portuguese accent now, I really can't help it.

Take me back to Bruxelles s'il vous plait

I've also been writing a lot in French. Don't ask my why, I've just completely fallen in love with the language. It's ironic how I attempted to reject the language for six years and now all I want to do is breathe it. Such is life. Why did I not appreciate it while I was there. The amount of French books available at home is unreal, whereas here it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Damn it past me. Why are you such an idiot. 

Mid flat hunt with this loony bin. We are literally on edge trying to find an apartment. Plans of red wine, bath bombs, IKEA furniture and a cat (yes Mariana we are getting a cat) are making us cry until we actually find somewhere.

Last one of coffee times. I swear coffee outings literally perk up my week. I do not know what I would do without them. Sometimes you have to take the night off and go for a mocha with whipped cream and marshmallows and split a blueberry white chocolate muffin. Yes. I stress about everything, so actually relaxing and forgetting about my worries for at least a little hour is my lifesaver.

We've started doing abnormal psychology for the last three weeks which I am ecstatic about, but going into intricate detail about certain mood disorders is quite heavy. I think you start to evaluate your own mental health and ask yourself if the things that bother you on a daily basis actually require attention or not. Hm. Psychology.

I'll leave for now as this post was significantly longer than I had anticipated it to be! I'm also avoiding doing a Lab Report which I should really do today and tomorrow if I want to enjoy the weekend and prepare for my interview. Argh life. On the other hand I love living alone. I can eat pancakes for dinner, life goal achieved.

In a while crocodile.
Gros bisous

Festive Ramble

Yuletide blogpost!

First of all, Merry Christmas! I hope your day was perfect and you can't move because you ate so much.

I'm planning on letting my mind ramble on a ridiculous scale here in an attempt to organize my thoughts. I think that's all I ever do, as I keep filling sketchbooks and writing books with far too many  of these thoughts. I wonder if you counted every thought ever to have existed you could create some form of time vortex and the world would implode. 2 am intellectual maturity is rearing its ugly head, I thought you were supposed to get more rational when you hit eighteen? Possibly not.

Anyhow, I've been rather consumed with a mess of things recently. One of them is university and the shambles that is my life. The other is the UTTER SHAMBLES that yes, is indeed my life and how I must fix it. I usually love repairing things, yet this time it's proving to be a little difficult.

The process of forgetting is one that I find intriguing and painful. Forgetting is something I do too often, as I leave half of my possessions where they shouldn't be then nearly have a seizure trying to reclaim them. Intentional forgetting is another thing entirely. Trying to forget memories and feelings is something which fills me with a terrible sadness, as if it were up to me I would never attempt to do so. My friend told me a quote concerning the fact that feelings demand to be felt. This statement resonated a lot with me, as I identify with it far more than I would like. However, there has to be some sort of off-switch. I think that I feel too much, and a lot of things affect me when I wish they didn't. Let's say I let emotions guide me and that often leads to some crashing and burning. Yet when do the feelings stop being felt? Do they ever stop? Should they stop? Emotions are funny things, they are the core reason for being yet the core reason for the world's plight.

Let's escape to the other issue of university. Do you ever get the feeling you've walked into the wrong room, wearing the wrong outfit and have a ticket for another event? That's the jist of how my head is right now. However, I'm holding the right cocktail. In case your head isn't as insane as mine the cocktail was a metaphor for the people I have met in Glasgow. If you didn't get there from the obscure party reference then shame on you. If you thought I was a raving alcoholic don't worry, I would've too. Anyway, I've built myself a nice little haven in Glasgow. The friends I've made make me warm inside and I could spend hours in their company, yet I'm still in the wrong room in the wrong outfit with the wrong invitation. I hope I don't end up flitting here, there and everywhere, because I really hope that if I make the drastic decision I am concocting inside my brain it turns out to be the right one. Too many decisions. Please send Matt Healy carrying pizza and cookie dough. (Vegan pizza and flourless, eggless cookie dough so I feel at least a little healthy).

Another paragraph so this post appears to have structure. ART. I love art. Art makes me happy, art helps me breathe. I'm thinking art. Maybe I'm wrong. An application can't hurt. An application is only an application.

PICTURES

My wonderful pops

Holding lights for me while looking contemplative

My favourite dinner to make

AVOCADO

Legs. This is how I feel about winter. It encapsulates my feeling of cosiness. 

So not going to get through a blogpost without this one's face. Oops. I miss her already. 

I went to a beautiful soirée at a friends' house the the other night, and it was absolutely spectacular. I missed them all a great deal, and I cannot describe the feeling of being surrounded by their warmth and laughter. It filled me with a deep sense of contentment. We made far too much food, drank too much cava and took too many photographs (who am I kidding there is no such thing as too many photographs). All this was accompanied by cards of humanity, punching every fibre out of a pillow and playing glorious tunes on the guitar. It was one of the best nights I've had in quite a while. The ladies I spent it with have a magical power to produce these nights that produce this same feeling without fail every time we have them. We talked about everything under the sun and stared at the crispy belgian sky at 3 am. Being surrounded by them and a blanket against the harsh, cold, european night made me feel so happy. This night will have to be repeated, any time any place. The picture below was taken by the majestic Sarah, one of the coolest kids you will ever meet. Her blog is well worth a peruse.

Issy and I on the windowsill

That's all for now, the clock is steadily getting later and later, and I must wake up relatively early tomorrow, lots of things to do! (A.k.a art and reading while listening to my record player and drinking green tea. I love things right now)

I know this post didn't actually make sense and I went from two different moods but hey, it's a rollercoaster life. That was either profound or incredibly pathetic. I'll let you choose. 

Until the next post!

Chagrin

Another November post? Me oh my, I must really be avoiding doing all of my coursework.

My last post was rather depressing.
I don't know how to explain it.
Have a picture of a cup of coffee.

Coffee just makes the world better. 

Emotions are unusual things. They never really make sense, and why we possess them is another matter entirely. Recently I've been mulling them over, trying to suppress some of them. It will never cease to amaze me as to how powerful they are, we really let them take control of our rationality. Yet is that a good thing? Is it a bad thing? I pay attention (probably too much) to sentiments, so I would always go with what I feel is right. Yet, sometimes, I believe that we condition ourselves to think in a certain way in accordance to what is expected of us. Breaking away from that mould and discovering another feeling entirely is no easy feat.

My thoughts are jumbled so I'm going to switch topics.
I had a lovely day today. Mariana and I had a bit of a wander and I walked back with a stomach full of coffee and a heart full of happiness. I always get a bizarre feeling when I walk home in the dark, when my way is lit by painfully orange street lamps. Cities change at night, it's almost as if they all have a split personality disorder. Depending on which area of the city you're in (murder capital of Europe represent) I think Glasgow is so much more enchanting at night. It just feels so alive. Walking back to my flat kind of feels like numbness. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it feels like walking through incredibly misty fog. A bit like sleepwalking.

I always go with my gut instinct, and recently my mind has been a little hazy. I don't really think I'm a UK person. That sounds strange as I am indeed British and have lived in Britain throughout various stages of my life so far, but I really don't feel it at all. After spending so long in Belgium, I feel out of place here. I know that I'm not going to stay after University, but a tiny part of me wants to flee. If someone offered me a plane ticket I really don't think I would hesitate in taking it. That thought scares me, as that means I'm not doing what I feel is right. Emotions emotions emotions.

HAVE PICTURES. We took a few shots today so I'm going to unleash them to the world (a.k.a the three people reading this - hey guys)

Little snap of Katie I took the other week while she was dancing. 

Later alligator.

Raindrops

Still November.

I thought this month would be the best month I've ever had. I don't think I've ever been so wrong. Some personal things happened far too recently and I don't quite know how to function anymore. Aren't raindrops funny? They can daintily splash on the pavement at the same time as flooding the streets. I think there are always parallels in nature as to how you're feeling.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing a blogpost, but I keep writing everywhere hoping it will help. I also keep making green tea with honey. I don't know why I've randomly started to add honey. I think the sweetness helps.

I'm going to be all generic
I found a poem

It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply.

-David Jones

I don't think I want to add any pictures today.
Cue a horrendous amount of self pity